what do i really mean when I say....

My artsy friend and I were having a discussion. About subtext...what do we really mean when we say something and what is it that we want to say......i thought this as a hilarious concept...what if everyone in the world said what they really mean.....


a: 'hey', giving a smile i am saying hello

b: 'Oh.....Hey', returning the polite gesture with a fake smile i will play with this useless social game of saying hello just to not appear rude, but really this conversation has no great significance to me and neither do you cause your a hi-bye friend.

a: "how are you?" trying to make conversation and sounding interested

b: "umm....good" i'm trying not to appear rude and will continue with this conversation even though i'm giving the clear signals for you to go away.

a: "hey give me your number, i'll call you esok and we'll do something k" i don't want to appear that i really don;t care about you so to appear interested I shall make a lame attempt at getting your number which will only take up space in my phone book

b: "Yeah sure, 012345678" please, i gave you my number a few times before this and i shall not hold my breath waiting for you to call....


This 'HI AND BYE CONVERSATION OF NO GREAT SIGNIFICANCE" is what i see alot of the time in KL, and I myself admit that i have had this conversation way to many times.


So this conversation of "Hi...how have you been? What you doing now? hey pass me ure number, we should hang out...i'll call you!" Really means " Hey, as to not appear rude and stuck up, i'm just going to make meaningless conversation with you and act like i genuinely care about whats going on in your life".

Honestly i would much rather have the
'Hey'
'Hey'

And that's the end of that conversation. Just acknowledge the other person, give a compliment if its sincere and real....and that's it.


As much as i can preach that honesty is the best policy and that i'm a direct person that speaks her mind....it all at times can be bullshit.

*thinking

How often do i sugarcoat what i want to say? and most importantly WHY?
why do we/ I speak this language....of half truths...


*thinking

Fear - fear of the judgments, consequences, not knowing what will happen if i said the honest truth, mistakes

So the 'hey, how are you'
can possible mean
"i don't care about you, i'm just appearing nice"
or
in the other extreme "hey, your really hot, can i have you now?"


so what if we really did live our lives like Jim Carrey in Liar Liar?

'it takes a character to build characters'

'highlight' of my day......

something different

an excerpt from my sketch book ' of thoughts and images of my (sub)conscious mind'



you are my minds' adventure
your words
your being makes me seek deeper in my complex thoughts

your mind makes me filter my thoughts...getting rid of the superficiality
your words
your being is my muse

your mind brings me delight
your words
your being brings me in a state of wild abandon where i give myself completely to the world and i experience living to its peak

your mind makes me feel lucky
your words
your being makes me feel that I'm in a state of abundance, where what i source for is given to me freely from the universe

your mind makes me feel alive again
your words
your being has awaken my senses, my desires to freely express myself

Random Acts of LOVE.....

Recently, I was compelled to compliment an acquaintance on his amazing works of art. Why i did this? Cause I felt that I just couldn't not let him know how I felt about it.....and I believe all artists in their own right deserves open acknowledgment, appreciation and feedback.

I was looking for an appropriate word to express how i felt about his masterpieces, was looking for a word that described the emotion that i was feeling.....and the only word was L O V E

I find it perplexing why using this word is shunned upon...and why is giving a compliment and using this word so difficult for so many.

I've been brainwashed...made to suppress emotions, feelings....only to express myself in the 'safe zone'. Not too much (till the point of getting noticed) and not too little (so that i don't end up a wallpaper). As corney as it sounds like that BEP song..where is the love?

I read the newspapers....and there's always news of random acts of violence.....what about RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS? After all my belief that the root of random acts of kindness is L O V E. Why isn't that stressed upon?

What happened to compliments are given freely and the word love is used without shame or embarrassment.


Practice random acts of kindness......be it in a form of a compliment, picking up trash, recycling, or helping someone cross the street......practice the verb 'to love'

The love is here, there and everywhere....and love comes in many different shapes and forms...and a 'thing', and a 'doing'...and a 'being'.....as an emotion and state of mind.




So in the end.....I told this acquaintance......I love his work. As complex as it was in my mind.....using the word love made it alot easier to explain.

Art by Hugh MacLeod.  

quality vs. quantity - stop and smell the roses

After 12 days working my booty off in Sandakan was ready to just cancel my trip to Kota Kinabalu to I can come back to the peninsular, Kuala Lumpur and just sleep and rest in the comfort of my own home.

After an acquaintance convinced me to stay in KK, I stayed.

I loved my trip, love the city and the people

The unexpected highlight of my trip.
Falling in love with the people there. Its the people that make a place special...the ambience, the vibes people give out in a place that makes it cozy or relaxing. I loved that few days cause the people were so 'chilled out'.

I'm WAS one of those that went on vacation and was so obsessed over documenting it, with at least 3 cameras sometimes 5, a digital, my B&W SLR, and the few lomos. I was so tired from walking around in the market in KK town that i decided to just go to the back and just park my ass there. Then IT hit me.....*this is there that light bulb above my head suddenly lights up* It was such a great somewhat liberating feeling. I was always so caught up with taking pictures to capture the so called 'moment'...however I was never 'in the moment'. I was the type that hardly stopped and smelled the 'roses' when on vacation. The last time was my trip to Bali with the parentals.



I enjoyed just sitting there taking pictures with only my phone camera....of random kids and people and I thought to myself...how long has it been that i truly was relaxed on vacation and just chilled and soaked everything in?.....the answer to that was HARDLY EVER ...its been too long....was very happy my friend convinced me to stay

*thinking*

So what can i get out of this trip and apply it to my life. I realize that its not the amount of relationships (be it with God, family, friends, the universe, nature etc) but the quality of it. Which got me thinking....how much time and effort do i really invest in my relationships so that its an amazing, positive fun one?

Yes yes...I've heard the quotation an million and 1 times "quality not quantity".....now that i have experienced it....i get it. With my hectic life of 18 years, moving around the world, with so many experiences....what is it that i crave and look for? (I ask this way to intense question to myself all the time)



Though my thoughts are complex...I crave for the simplicity in life (and the way i live my life) and the simplicity in my relationships with God, the universe, nature, my nation, the world, con mi familia y mis amigos....and most importantly with myself.

Little Bundle of Joy - Armand

A long while back...a friend of mine gave me feedback about my blog

its intense
the letters are too small
and need more pictures

so i shall put up a picture of a person in my life which brings utter joy to the family

Armand L.S.
17-6-2007

Currently at 6 kg...this 'montel' bundle of joy posing with his first 'cow' teddy stuffed animal which his uber cool aunt gave him. He's the first new male addition of the 3rd generation of the family......first grandson lah.

At 3 months he is at that phase where he's making baby noises and his eyes can start to focus. And when we talk to him he starts smiling and laughing.

How my heart melted when i was away for just 2 weeks for work...and come back to a bigger and noisier Armand. I have given this multiracial nephew of mine...3 names

Chinese - pronounced ah man
Malay - ar man
Spanish name - ar mando

So as he grows older to a legal age.....

i auntie Mel......will introduce him to the world of piercings.
In the mean time.....when he's old enough..i will spoil him silly and draw and paint with him all day long :D

what's your cause?

Freedigitalphotos.net

Judgments....I would be a liar if I said I didn't judge people or create assumptions about them. As human beings it is easier to categorize things / people / feelings / individuals.

I always thought that the judgments i made was a conscious one....it was quite obvious how my judgments were quite automatic.

The other day i was chatting with an acquaintance I had just met. The only thing i know about 'who' he is...is that he's a friend of a friend, the most important part of a person 'what' he is.....i'm just begining to find out......I thought i knew what he was all about - my judgments of him....

My self-righteous self thought she knew what there is to know about him...i didn't like him to begin with in all honesty...i've seen him around numerous times before he actually approached me and said hello....i did my hi's and bye's with him, had an insignificant conversation as to not appear rude. I thought he was self absorbed, thinking he thought he was the 'sizznit', and all about looking good and didn't bother to go to university cause he was just lazy.

This was a long time ago..then only recently I started chatting with him..with all my judgements about him i thought okay...maybe this guy isn't what i think he is...he may be 'nice'....so one day we were chatting about work and he said how work is really consuming and how he works his ass off. He was thinking about doing something else....so i asked him a simple yet deep question.....'what are you passionate about'...he replied the environment.

This simple answer, in a second changed my whole perspective on him. The first thought in my mind,

wow
my judgments of him are totally wrong
i initially judged him cause i didn't like him in the beginning
i instantly had this new found respect for him...though i didn't really know him
i honestly didn't see this side of him

This guy had a cause which he was passionate about. And i felt that defined his integrity / his purpose as a human being.

*Thinking*

Some people that I meet have a cause, have a passion. Some people its the love of having a business that they love, some love people....people are their cause so they have a passion for trainings...some mothers i know....they are just simply passionate about raising their families.

*thinking*

in a way it does reflect a side of me which really isn't all that pretty. How i only respect people only if they're hard working and have a cause...have a definite bigger picture...purpose in life. And if my initial judgments of people are negative......it is up to the OTHER PERSON to prove to me otherwise.

I'm happy i have gotten to know this 'acquaintance'...oddly enough after many chatting sessions with him......little did i realize he's one of the few that truly understands what i'm going through in life....which is a comforting thought.

Then he told me...."you know there are more of us out there"

:)