when you just know and don't know how to explain knowing......

Have you ever had that feeling where you just know....call it whatever it is you call it....its really unexplainable...

The best way I can describe it is like a gut feeling, an intuition, sort of a comforting feeling at the same time exciting......like when you feel something is right and your friends ask you - "How do you know?" you reply..."Cause I just know..." and you tell yourself....I can't define what it is...but the feeling is good and I just know.

Now this may apply to finding your significant other and you "just know that its the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with".....or even someone you met for a just 10 minutes and you "just know" you're going to be best friend with that person.....or you apply for a job and "you just know" that its the perfect job for you...

The other day my best friend in Canada messaged me and she said she thought of me the other day, she was having a conversation with a friend. She talked about how, I "get her" and she doesn't have to explain. Dre....is my soulmate. My belief is that anyone can be my soulmate....I don't have he belief that the soul mate is a term exclusively for my other half.

I believe that I have 3 soulmates. Why are they my soulmate......this may sound so mumbo jumbo....they are my soulmates because when I met them, and experienced them "BEING THEM", i "just knew" that somehow in this universe our souls are intertwined and our auras just complimented each other.

Dre...she's my soulmate...like me, she too is a Pisces which makes our connection stronger. I can't really describe the friendship we have....I just feel it and know we're connected...even though I've known her since 96 and have not seen her in about 8 years....we're still connected somehow. Someone asked me how do you know she's your soulmate....and i replied with the unexplainable "i just know"

Its a comforting feeling especially when shit hits the fan in life...i can always connect somehow with my soulmates....Dre, Blur and my mother. All 3 relationships very different and dynamic in its own way.But when I'm with them and in their space....I can feel them and if I'm feeling a certain way...I don't have to say much....they "just get it"..

This connection which can't be described or defined in words, I have had a few times. One was knowing my soulmates which happened in an instant. Another time when I realized what to do with my life.

After 4 years of an advertising degree...never once used once I graduated....1/2 way through my degree...I just knew I didn't want to do advertising...I knew that wasn't my purpose...what was my purpose at that time I would always come to a blank...but this gut feeling told me..."Don't waste your time convincing people to buy shit".....After job hopping....never has a job lasted a year....switching industries...(all this in a span of 2 1/2 years)...i realized what I wanted to do with my life....I discovered my purpose. My wise 'guru' which I rarely turn to...he shared with me his opinions and views of where he sees me work wise.....It was painful to hear. Cause it meant I had to let go of the security of a mundane job with money coming in and venture in a totally different field. It was scary, nerve wrecking at the same time I realized that I had to let go of all that....and follow that "indescribable feeling" of where to go next in my life work wise.

Or when I know something bad is going to happen. My grandmother (God Bless her Soul)...was critically ill for about a week before she passed on at the ripe old age of 92. She fell sick a week before Hari Raya (Eid).....I was worried cause after raya i was to be away for about 4 weeks freelancing . And I knew if I went for my job it would be difficult for me to 'balik kampong (my grandmas village) for her funeral. My mother told me that her condition was getting worse and that its critical. As much as it saddens me to loose my grandmother, I accept that its all a part of life.....I'd rather her be at peace than suffering not being able to get up and eat. Deep down, I knew that she was to pass on before I left for my freelance work. She passed away 2 days she of Hari Raya.

Some people are more intuned with "just know" undefined feeling. To the point where they can predict things...not like a psychic.....My mother has a gift of "just knowing". She knows when something bad is going to happen of when 'something significant' will happen. When living in Peru, my parents came back to KL...so like any teenager with the freedom of a humongous house would do...I threw a party....where everything that isn;t good for me to consume was abundant....and word spread so I can even remember who showed up to the house. I stayed up till the next day...picking up trash and any traces 'of evidence' that there was a party....maybe i shouldn't have had the party the day before they were to come back home. My mother came home....took one step in the compound and 'she knew'...and boy did she let it rip when confronting me. Maybe cause she's a mother and has this extra intuition when they know their kids are up to no good.

I noticed that some people always wants things defined. They can't stand it when they can't be okay with not knowing, like for example...when they meet someone and realize that this person is special to them...and they disastrously want to define the relationship with the "are we just friends or more than that..are we gf & bf?" Now if the other party is not ready....its just a warning sign and could possibly 'ruin things between you two'.

I have come to accept that not everything can be defined. And by me wanting to define things and make it fit into something comprehendable is just wont do 'it' justice. I do have moments where I fight that 'feeling' and want to define it....so that it fits....like that kids toy...where there's all sorts of shapes...like a triangle, square and circle...and the kids have the colorful blocks and they have to match up the shapes. Sometimes I fight that feeling....by taking some odd shape and trying to fit it in to 'society's accepted square". Not everything can be defined....and I'm getting used to being okay with that...and just 'feel it and know that its right for me'.....

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