I can't save every stray cat Mel!

"I can't save every stray cat Mel".  

Profound advice from my mother.  

In 2004, I graduated and took the first job offered to me.  A friend approached me and asked for financial help.  This was the thought going through my head.  *I trust this guy  and I will help him, after all I can afford it.*  I handed him the cash that day itself.  This wasn't the first time I've helped people out with whatever I can.  Not necessarily money. 

I never sat down and wondered is it cause I can't say no or I can't accept their *possibly negative thoughts of me if i reject them and say no or is it the whole superwoman complex, I-will-save-you syndrome?  Whatever the reason, I help and help with whatever I can, but it got to a point where I said to myself, 'Wait a minute if I help this guy with my time, I will have no time for myself and I kinda need that time', or 'If i give this guy money to feed his family I'm not going to have much'.  I had gotten myself in a situation of helping other people to the point where I didn't have much left (be it money or time and energy!)

It started getting to me cause I felt *guilty for saying NO.  For not helping.

Frustrated and down, I called my mother and told her my dilemma.  I remember asking her, 'Ma how do you do it?  How do I say NO?  How can you NOT help people?  She listened and replied, 'The same reason why I can't save every stray cat living in the streets Mel.' Said my mother who is a cat lover.  

She has faith and trusts the cycle of life.  She has faith that the street cats were smart and cunning enough to survive in the streets.  

*I paused and said my good byes*

As usual, I sat and digested it for a while.  

If she did save every cat she saw....she would be the stereotype of the old lady and a thousand cats in her house with a funky smell which can shock your sense of smell a block away!

*I got it ma.  

Its ok for me to say NO, I got to learn I'm not superwoman.  

I must learn to have faith that life has its challenges and that the universe will do what it has to do.  If I don't help out life still goes and to just trust the  universe.  

That's the easy part.  The challenging part for me has been letting go of the guilt.  It can be heavy on my chest.  In time it gets lighter and eventually the heaviness is gone.  

*A few days ago, a stray cat was found in the parking lot.  There in a little dark corner, was a mother cat and her 2 babies. I automatically jumped to the rescue.....(We can't just do nothing!)

Without hesitation I looked for her.  As soon as I saw her I thought we have to do something. Lets take her in!

But I realized this might be a problem since our building has a strict No animal policy.  How can we take care of the cat and kittens?

Who can take care of them? Who loves cats so much that is willing to take care of them?

 *Speed Dial *mother*  Two minutes into the conversation she reminded me ...."We can't save every stray cat!"

I didn't take the white mommy cat and her 2 kittens in.  I've grudgingly accepted that they can't come home with us.  

I did the next best thing.  Leave food and water for the mother...........twice a day.

Courtesy of Freefoto.com

blog.blog

I have two blogs.  

I stopped writing for more than a year.  and i'm back :D  *doing the running man cause i got my writing groove back*

When I started again on this blog....i was thinking about the feedback from a reader/friend of mine.  Han said that my text is too small and i need more pictures.  So  1.5 years later (better late than never) I did something with his feedback so......

.....I created a new blog  lesstextmorevisuals.blogspot.com.  The URL says it all.  More pictures and less text....of the stuff I love.  

Muchas Gracias Han

P.S.  As for the small text.  I like it small. 

Our prayers.

Start to a usual unemployed morning.  No bath  and go straight for the internet.  

Mail ...check

Facebok.....check

Twitter....check  (hated it and thought it was useless...now i have 2 twitter accounts..swallowing foot in my mouth)

Online newspaper ......check

My friend Jenny (who married one of my good friends) was chatting away with me online.  

The conversation wasn't one of those 'hello, how are you?...and then *conversation left hanging*

It was a meaningful conversation about our plans for our careers, her plans to relocated to KL (currently she's in Ipoh) and about what we really want to do *eventually*.  That if we died tomorrow, what would our contribution have been.  

She wanted to do missionary work.  Currently a nurse.  She's in the profession of giving and assisting.  From what I hear, she's a great nurse.  But her gut tells her her calling is mission work.  It makes her feel good *alive*.

She had to log off and catch some Z's...and she ended the conversation in a way I've almost never heard someone say to me.  

'Lets keep each other in our prayers'.

This statement 'woke my soul up' this morning.  

Usually its

Gtg  or

talk to you later.....n

*Thinking* No one has said that to me at the end of a conversation.   And i think of the people in my age group and how we end our conversation.....and i look at our lifestyle.

Where did the faith and spirituality go?  Where did the concept of prayer go?  Where for a few minutes we center and ground ourselves and believe and trust.  And why did we stop sharing this positive energy with each other (sharing in a respectful non overly preachy way).  

Its not only about praying 5 times a day, or going to temple, or sunday church, its also about reiki, meditation, C&E or whatever your choice is.  A state of mind that creates positivity and clarity and you share that with others - wishing on others peace harmony or a state of being that gives clarity.

Jenny and I from different faiths, but I get the intent.  So i replied

"I will have you and your husband in my prayers as well."  Another way of me saying "Wa alaikum assalaam" And upon you be peace.

Photograph courtesy of Freefoto.com

sometimes the flood gates open and tears just flow

When was the last time I cried?

A few weeks ago when things were just overwhelming.  

Call me neurotic, but sometimes i get in a bind, flustered and frustrated I need to go to a corner and cry it all out.

I've been labeled the cry baby.  It doesn't take me much to get me to cry.  Be it a song, an-in-your-face-statement to my face or even someone's story of struggle & hardships.  So, is me being emotional cry baby a bad thing?

Its one thing to cry for attention in front of others its another thing to just release let go and realize there are tears streaming down your face.  

There are many triggers from my water works and many reasons why i cry.  

**Story**

After dedicating myself as a freelance facilitator and working my way up in a year & a half to a trainer in training.  I was at the back of the training room, having a bit of 'down time'.  My coach said to me this would be the last training for all of us.  Contract ended and that the company i freelanced for will no longer be doing these training's. 

I sat at the back of the room staring into space, letting it all sink in.  

'You mean after this we all won't be working together anymore in this type of setting?'

'No, we won't be replied my training coach.'

Reality sunk in and I cried.

I cried because I was freaking happy that I accomplished a huge goal in a year and a half.  

I cried because I was sad that we wouldn't have the intimate, fun, loving working environment ever again.

I cried because many long lasting friendships were created through the training.

I cried because 'my purpose', (in the form of work) will end.  

I cried because I worked damn hard, minimal sleep, crappy food, great team, great coaches, great training participants and great experiences shared with great friends was all ending. 

It was a painful cry.  Which lasted for a week.  

Sometimes a good cry is good.  To just let it all out.  Cause keeping it in is just too much of an effort for me.  Let the flood gates open for a while...if it means me feeling better the next morning.  After all, the sun has to come out after the rain.  

L O V E without condition - hugs

Last December I was in Melbourne.  Almost every moment possible was spent site seeing. Near a train station was this young lady with a poster 'free hugs'.  Just like the rest of the crowd, like a tourist I stood and stare and thought why would she?...

...She's so brave...

...A great idea...

...I want a hug...

...I'll give her a hug...

...She's spreading love...

...Random acts of love...

I went up to her and just gave her a hug and *after all I was a tourist* took a picture with her.

I walked away happy....never wanting to ask her why.  

Why was not important, but what was... is L O V E without condition. 

** make me wonder...when was the last time i didn't think...just gave love unconditionally to a 'stranger'?

that's the thing.  i think...that's why it stops me from showing kindness at times.  i care about how i would look and how i would be perceived.  don't ask for it, just give.  don't wait just give.  As weird and 'hippy ish' she looked at that street corner, I felt good after that.  That buzz that made me feel like skipping along to me next tourist attraction.

When was the last time you gave love for no reason but to just spread love?

Entry related to a previous post - 'Random acts of love.

Rubys' Story

I am deeply saddened and moved by Rubys' story.  A friends mother that has dedicated her life to serving others.  

Her daughter Janet, started a blog to update everyone on her mothers condition.  The following two entries are from her blog

Funeral details

MONDAY 15TH & TUESDAY 16TH JUNE, 10am - 10pm.
Come pay your last respects at 
Nirvana Memorial Centre
No. 1 Jalan 1/116A,
Off Jalan Sungai Besi
57100 Kuala Lumpur


There will be a special service at the wake on Tuesday 16th June at 8pm.

WEDNESDAY 17TH JUNE.
The church service will be conducted at mom's favourite church, the one where she got married. It's next to Dataran Merdeka, there should be ample parking in the basement car park of Dataran.

Date : Wednesday 17th June
Time : 11am
Church : St Mary's Anglican Cathedral
Jalan Raja (Dataran Merdeka)
50050 Kuala Lumpur

NO WREATHS PLEASE. Donations to the following organisations in mom's name would be greatly appreciated. Choose your favourite or let us divide it equally, it's completely up to you.
• Malaysian Red Crescent Society
• Society for the Severely Mentally Handicapped
• Hospis Malaysia
• MAKNA
• Community Support Network

Thank you all for your constant and everflowing love, support and prayers. We are very blessed to you in our lives. Deep, deep thanks from all of us.

Mom has gracefully taken the hand of God.

It was a day filled with laughter. We had said everything we needed to say to her, and we had heard her 'speak' to us as well. All was forgiven, all love was freely expressed without restraint. That was yesterday.

So today, we just sat in her room, played music and made jokes. 

I think that's why she decided that it is ok to leave us. She waited until we were ready. All of us were at home. 

When she took her last few breaths, we were all by her side. As her heart gradually stopped beating, she was surrounded by loving kisses and tender touches. She gracefully departed with angels by her side, taking the hand of God.

What a beautiful, graceful passing. She left us with one final beautiful memory. So typical of her. Every gesture is made with deep love and consideration. That's mom.

From The Star newspaper today.

Ruby Lee - Al Fatihah.

Laugh and Learn

Accompanying my sister in law with her errands, I sat at the back seat with my nephew in his safety chair next to me.  Almost 2 years old, his learning curve is accelerating by the day!

I waited in the car with him while my sister went to the bakery.  I didn't want Armand 

to fall asleep cause we had to go to my aunts house.  I found his toy and it would entertain him and keep him awake for the rest of the car trip.  

It was a toy dashboard with steering wheel indicators and side mirrors and all.  A perfect toy for Armand who loves playing with all the buttons and steering wheel.

I looked for the ON button.  I flipped it upside down and was looking for it everywhere.   After a minute i gave up and passed it to him

"I can't switch it on. but play with this Armand'.

I turned away for a second and next thing i know i heard the sound of a toy engine being switched on. 

I looked at him and he just looked at me like it was no big deal.  

"Armand how did you switch it on?!"

I looked at the toy again and realized he switched it on by turning the toy ignition key. Smart kid, he watches people drive that's how he knows how to switch it on.  

So I tested him.....or was it for him to show his aunt how to switch it on....I tu

rned the ignition key...and he just simply turned the ignition key again and the toy switched on.

I laughed at myself.....I was searching for the ON

 OFF button and my almost 2 year old nephew manage to turn it on.  

The older I get doesn't mean I know more! 

**Moral of the story.  Its not about age, Armand my 2 year old nephew has alot to teach me.**

Was looking through my pictures, this is what I found while writing this entry.  

This is Armands' ritual.  When we take him anywhere, he will insist on playing in the car for at least 10 minutes.  My dad tell us that when ever he switches on his engine everything is on, indicator lights, windshield wipers etc.....Armand was playing with his car the day before.  

When was the last time someone unexpected taught you something new?